Decker Bea DeMatto was born April 30, 2015 at 4:18pm.  She was 4 lbs, 6 ounces and 18.5 inches long.  What should have been the happiest day of our life, was heartbreaking.

During a routine ultrasound, doctors were unable to detect Decker's heartbeat.  Moments later, Brandon and I were devastated by the news that our precious little girl would be born still.  As you can imagine, we were scared, sad and unsure where to go from there.  I laid in the hospital for twelve hours wondering how I would give birth to a baby that I had carried and prepared for - for almost 9 months.  I laid there with tears rolling down my face - helpless.

I thank God every day for blessing us with the nurses who cared for us during this gut wrenching time.   I am not sure Brandon and I would have made it through without them.  They were loving, supportive, and by our side every step of the way.  The moment Decker was born, I just kept thinking how beautiful she was and how I wished I could bring her back. Surrounded by family, I continued to cry.  My husband and I were able to stay the night in the hospital with her - precious time I will never regret.

The next morning, while the sun was shining outside, we kissed and said 'goodbye' to our lifeless daughter for the last time.  I remember not wanting to leave.  Each time I tried, I would go back and kiss her again.  Losing Decker is still - by far - the hardest things we've ever had to do.  After three hours of trying to leave, we said our final "goodbyes' and headed home to navigate our new normal.  It was hard.  It was scary.  And it was lonely.  We are so grateful for the support of our family and friends.  While we woke up each day not knowing what was in store, we believed that with the power of love, we would get through it.  Some days were harder than others.  Some minutes were harder than the last .  But we survived it together.

Fast forward 17 months and we welcomed our rainbow baby, Turner Michael DeMatto, into the world. Turner was born in the same hospital room as Decker.  He is 3 ½ year old now and all boy. He is kind, smart, loving, and loves anything to do with sports.  I tell my husband every day that Decker lives on through him.  I know if Decker was here today, she would have so many of Turner's characteristics.  Turner knows about Decker and asks questions about her every now and again. We pray for her every night and miss her so very much.  As difficult and devastating as that time was for us, God carried us through and made us stronger in so many ways.  Decker is our angel and will always be.  We think about her often.  With very hummingbird that passes by, we know she is with us!


Beth + Brandon DeMatto